Joy and hapiness

In my years of Coaching and Mentoring, it has become clear to me that most people are completely confused when it comes to the topics of happiness and joy. To a certain extent, these two words can be used interchangeably, but in reality, there is a significant difference between happiness and joy. It is important for people to understand this difference, before they are able to break the cycle of unhappiness in their life and experience real joy.

The difference is this: Happiness is conditional. Joy is constant.

Happiness is conditional. It is dependent. It is variable. Our "condition" or level of happiness varies depending on what we have or don't have in our life. When we get what we want we feel happy. When we don't get what we want we often feel unhappy or sad.

People frequently say to me, "Skynova, you're always so happy!" "You're always smiling!" For the most part this is true. I am happy quite a bit. However, I'm not happy all the time. There are times when I am sad. But my smile is authentic -- even when I'm sad, and the secret to my smile is joy.

Joy is very different from happiness. Joy is constant. Joy comes from the underlying knowing, with absolute certainty, that everything is exactly the way it should be, at any given moment. With joy, we are able to get through difficult times and move forward. Joy is what allows us to experience the death of a loved one yet celebrate their life. Joy reminds us that life is not over when we lose something we really like or when we fail to get something we desire. When we have joy, we can get through financial struggles, illness, loss, breakups, divorce, failure, set-backs, recovery from addictions and more. When we are living in joy, we do not struggle. After all, isn't that the real goal for everyone -- to live without struggle?

Joy, by its very nature, has its roots in a much deeper, stronger foundation than happiness. As a matter of fact, happiness is not rooted in anything at all. Instead, happiness is attached. Happiness is attached to things and people. Consequently, when the things and the people happiness is attached to come in and out of our life so does the happiness. Therefore, our real goal needs to be to find joy!

There are many ways to find joy but at the very basic level joy can be found through principled living. Principles are universal, fundamental laws of nature that work for all people who work them. Principles work even when we do not believe in them, agree with them, understand them or like them. Gravity is a great example. Gravity is a principle of nature. Whether you like it, agree with it, understand it, believe in it or not, gravity will work regardless the minute you or I jump off a building!

Live a life of principles such as surrender, faith, discipline, self-awareness, gratitude, forgiveness and service. This is one sure-fire way to obtain joy. Don't be overly concerned with happiness...it ebbs and flows. Find joy. It is much more sustainable and gratifying.

Why Can't You See Joy And Happiness?

There should be happiness, joy, contentment and success in your life. If these or any of these are lacking, the problem might be that your vision is obscured by the "fog of distress". Think for a while, and you might discover that you are actually walking around all day and going about with your usual activities in a sort of haze- covered by the fog of distress. This miasma that clouds your sight is partly your feelings, partly your beliefs, partly happening in your subconscious and partly of a bioelectrical nature. The fog of distress is basically a pattern of interference, like radio static that developed way back in childhood when we haven't yet developed our logical ways of thinking and our defenses were weak.

Childhood years are the formative years wherein perception is limited. We could not really comprehend the intentions and motivations of our parents and caregivers at that time. We had a narrow understanding of these significant people in our lives. Interpretations of actions, words and experiences were misconstrued and distorted. These interpretations that remain in our subconscious until we grow up can get in the way of our happiness.

Do You Really See What's Around You?

Self limiting thoughts and beliefs can spring from our subconscious and they block our vision that we can't really see what is around us. We may have good friends or great accomplishments at work or at home, wonderful relationships and family, excellent health and strong capability, but our self limiting thoughts can prevent us from seeing and appreciating them. They're like a massive dense of thick fog that blocks your vision of what's across the street or just a few dozen feet in whatever direction. You could be thinking that water enough to fill a swimming pool makes up that blanket of fog blurring your sight. The fact, however, is that fog spreading around an acre and a meter deep wouldn't even fill a drinking glass.

The Sun Evaporates The Fog

It's when you ought to realize that small events, just like a few ounces of water that disperses into a hazy fog can distort your vision. These small events can be thought of as microtraumas. They are small events that are easily forgotten but they produce self limiting and unproductive and inconsistent beliefs about yourself and your perception about the world and your future. These small events have distorted your perception and thus obscure your happiness, joy, contentment and success.

But just as the sun evaporates the fog, you too can clear your own haze by accessing your positive feelings. Recognize and identify what self limiting beliefs are obscuring you. Recognize the problem and that's when you can take steps to solve it.

Joy is not something special -- it just feels like it is. :-) Because we tend to overlook joy where it actually is. Even if it is everywhere!Unnoticed, it permeates our life day and night, when we work and when we rest, whether we're alone or with others. 

There are thousands of ways to distance ourselves from joy -- and just as many ways in which we can rediscover it. The best way I know is by saying YES. Yes to yourself, yes to life, yes to the world. 

To say yes is simple, yet far from always easy. And that's OK - because you're not alone. I'm here to inspire and support you on your way into more joy, flow and freedom. And so are many others, that you will meet along the way. 

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